Tuesday, February 1, 2011

post #109: finding a purpose.

finding a purpose eh?
yeah.
i've been questioning myself a whole lot nowadays.
and apparently, been talking to myself waaaay too often now.
goes to show that i DO lack in sufficient social interactions, eh?

"every single human being living on this Earth has been created for their own purposes, and having their own uniqueness or specialty, making them different from each other."

smart? not so much, just slightly above average (self-comforting)
excel in studies at school? same as before, but slightly lower.

"betul ke awak nak jadi doktor nie?" tanya mak.
"eh, pulak dah. kenapa mak tanya macam tu tiba2?" jawabku, sedikit tersentak.
"yelah, jadi doktor bukan senang kan~lagipun, mak tak nak nanti awak tak boleh buat, menyesal je sebab dah membazir masa awak."
"insya Allah mak, saya rasa saya boleh."
"kalau awak sendiri yang cakap macam tu, mak tak boleh kata apa2 la. lagipun, awak yang nakkan cabaran kan? mak cuma mampu doakan untuk awak berjaya je. lebih dari tu, semua bergantung kat diri awak sendiri."
"hm..."aku terdiam mendengar kata-katanya itu.
"ha.awak janganlah tension pulak dengar mak cakap macam nie.abang tu pun tanya kat mak macam nie pasal awak, mak pun taktau nak jawab ape. awak sendiri yang tahu kebolehan awak.btul kan?"
"betul..."

sure penat kalau tiap2 hari pegi kelas, and try to put up a happy and carefree face when the world feels like it's crumbling upon you kan? once in a while, feeling like not talking to anyone seems like the most appropriate thing to do but just can't help it to let myself be immersed in any sort of human interactions.i just want to keep on talking, and sharing and more crapping.attention-deficit disorder here maybe? :/

if i'm not meant to be here, stop me right here and right now. better not waste anyone's effort in handling my college fees, scholarship, university matters and etc. for someone who doesn't belong in the right place.


side note: EE tggl nak turnitin.same goes to ToK.and IA ITGS pn nk pass up next week.finally everything else is almost over.time to get back to the real business, scoring in exams! ;D