Friday, July 30, 2010

this is what happens when i'm left alone, all by myself.

feeling very, very stupid.
everyone is moving on, while i just stay put.
like i'm on a different timeline with others.

doing ib is one thing.
having to face people who are pacing forward faster than me
makes me hate myself all over again.
adding to this, my "incapable-to-sit down-and focus-in-class-without-sleeping" syndrome keeps bugging my sheer intention to really get what i'm supposed to be listening to in class.
instead, i get dizzier for every class that i slept in
ended up becoming much more blur than before i entered class.

and now, me.
i don't seem to know why,
but i just tend to lure my soul and mind to thinking that
my life is all messed up, eventhough the fact that it is not.
everything is fine, everything is okay.
but i think too, seriously.
i care about too much unnecessary stuff.
and when i'm down with thinking all these,
i'll just bug people.
people whom i know would help me whenever i'm in a pinch.
but i just bug too much.
to an extent where i just feel.....


why does it have to hard to forget eventhough there's nothing much to remember?
why do i need to be this sad when i can just get rid of all this nonsense from my head?

this pattern or cycle of feeling is just repetitive. and is highly dangerous. in a week or two, or less, i'll end up being like this again. and this is even when i already know all the answers to all of my questions and problems so far.

i guess life is a game.with no cheat codes.where people play based on their best interests of winning and enjoying the journey of winning itself.

*seyes rse sgt bodoh ryte now.mind you,
ak x penah emo,
just xde mood at times.
nie la kdg2 hasil moodless attack,
a post full of pure crap.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

i need a new perspective.

aku ngantuk.SANGAT - SANGAT.

walhal bru pkul 12 lbey je.pffft.
bengong gk r kalo gnie tyap2 ari~ dh la ari nie, full day tdo dlm sume klas.
ape nk jdik ngn ak nie pn x tau r. T__T
mintak tlg la korg, sy keje byk lgi nie.
xske r weyh, this high hypersomnia problem is really hitting me hard in the face.

Monday, July 19, 2010

me back here.

dh lme SGT aku x membebel kt cnie.
hny disebabkan conscience aku yg menyatakan "buat apa ko tulis, bkn ad pn orang yg bace this rubbish, full-of-yourself story/things. baik ko buat bnde laen, kn,kn? "

tp aku rse skarang, this blog is one way to really pour everything.
from deep down inside to the silly things may ask why; it is simply because i need some method of restraining.
restraining from what, that only i know.
and Allah.

lately, aku mcm sedang menaiki sebuah emotional roller coaster. *walhal taktau pn rse nek coaster cmne, agk2 je sbb x penah merase~*
aku tak sure knape, but i needed some sense of security so much that i pathetically 'begged' them from da ppl around me, regardless of what they were having/facing/feeling/doing at the time.
yes, i am selfish.
and for no good reason.
when i already feel secure and safe, i still somehow manages to slack off at whatever i was doing and do some other useless things.

besides that, i relentlessly forced myself to do stupid things, make stupid decisions. and ended up being in such a mess that i am still in.skarang dh rse mcm org yg bru lpas accident , sedang cube untuk bgun, pick up any valuable pieces yg msih ley gne, and move forward. right now, i'm 'bruised and wounded' but not yet beaten. still got a few more miles to go. keep on rolling bebeh~ :]

p/s: bru prasan, byk bnde yg aku ckp biasenya methaporically.ptut susah org nk phm.oh well.