diari~

4th Jan 2009, Sun.
1603 hrs

da worst possible start of my day....i went to surau, alone and of course, there was no one there...then i staye awake till 7.30a.m b4 i went to breakfast n' took my handphone..whu wuld hav thought dat i wuld broke down at da moment i heard my mom's voice on da phone...da agony,pain,suffering...those things kept on circling in ma head when i was talking to her 4 da 2nd tyme since i was held imprisoned in da camp..

i myself did not noe y did i bec0me a weak, incompetent human being dat i was once b4..it made me felt dat i was highly immature as i started sobbing silently wif my phone unfirmly stuck to my ears...geez, i nvr thought dat talking to my mom wuld b dis tough...

now, i've only got an hour or so b4 i hav 2 hand up my phone back to the JL(jurulatih) 4 safekeeping...

evry day i kept on trying to no b too -ive but y it seems lyke i can't?? it's depressingly painful, it's mentally agonizing and in ONE word, TORTURE dat i havn't find a way to get away from..

2257 hrs

still do not noe where i'll be heading for da comin CNY holz..whether it'll be Muar or Cheras (i juz moved in to a new house in cheras a few days ago)... kinda afraid to go to KL durin da holz cuz i have no one dat i kn0w to accompany me along da bus ride...