I know that it's been a while since the last time I've even written anything on this virtual paper space that is temporarily mine for the time being.
acknowledging the fact that i am currently having my sem 3 exam, everyone is psyched on the idea that we're going to have our month-long holiday afterwards! yeay for us ;D but still, what rests on my mind is the thought of unfinished EE, unfinalised TOK essay draft, unresolved CAS hours and all those notes which i need to cram for the IB final in May.
a little part of me was telling me to screw with the exam as it wouldn't count as much like the other two exams before but this gives the best platform for me to at least test the current status of my studies, to see whether or not I'll do badly or just waaaaaaaaaaaaay worst that i thought.
sometimes, i question words. what does it mean to 'like'? what do we mean when we 'want' something? or simply 'admire'? when these things get mixed and jumbled up with other unresolved issues, wrong may appear right and vice versa. it's not that i don't cherish what we already have in hand (alhamdulillah for all His givings and blessings), but is it what we want is always the right things to have? and should we want it, is it really because we made up our mind about it, or is it just because we feel like it?
akal, hati, nafsu.
suddenly scratchy film slides started playing, of the times when i had my first usrah here, with fahmi, then with imran and with arip now. i learned a whole lot but do i ever implement those stuff?
*teringat something about manusia ni fitrahnya berbuat kebaikan, sebab tu bile nak buat jahat je, terpaksa come up with lots of creative ideas. kalau tak percaya, cube ingat balik when was the last time you did something bad. did it came naturally or did you have to devise a plan so that everything flows perfectly?*
i know i shouldn't waste my time
but i did waste my time. (103:1-3)
i know i should study
but i ended up not doing so.
i know i should be nice to people
but i just become a pain in the ass.
i know i shouldn't meddle in the things that i already know is forbid
but i just couldn't help myself.
i know what mistakes that i shouldn't repeat
but i just wound up at the same situation as before but with a different role.
pointless, is it of me being here? talk me some sense will you?
friends, if i say hi, i want to get more friendlier with you. if i text you, i don't want to forget that you're my friend. if i call you, it's me saying that you're important.
if i stop doing all that, it's me going numb on thinking of ways to make sure our friendship lasts.
*i forget ppl easily, studies as well.
p/s: tips to avoid pointless conversation, just say "No" when you're asked about anything and bear a few minutes of possible torment of "not knowing" in order to save your precious kJs of energy for other things (i.e. watching movies, playing games, other time-wasting activities) instead of engaging in an uninteresting few minutes of conversation.