this is what happens when i'm left alone, all by myself.

feeling very, very stupid.

everyone is moving on, while i just stay put.

like i'm on a different timeline with others.

doing ib is one thing.

having to face people who are pacing forward faster than me

makes me hate myself all over again.

adding to this, my "incapable-to-sit down-and focus-in-class-without-sleeping" syndrome keeps bugging my sheer intention to really get what i'm supposed to be listening to in class.

instead, i get dizzier for every class that i slept in

and

ended up becoming much more blur than before i entered class.

and now, me.

i don't seem to know why,

but i just tend to lure my soul and mind to thinking that

my life is all messed up, eventhough the fact that it is not.

everything is fine, everything is okay.

but i think too much.no, seriously.

i care about too much unnecessary stuff.

and when i'm down with thinking all these,

i'll just bug people.

people whom i know would help me whenever i'm in a pinch.

but i just bug too much.

to an extent where i just feel.....

...pathetic.

why does it have to hard to forget eventhough there's nothing much to remember?

why do i need to be this sad when i can just get rid of all this nonsense from my head?

this pattern or cycle of feeling is just repetitive. and is highly dangerous. in a week or two, or less, i'll end up being like this again. and this is even when i already know all the answers to all of my questions and problems so far.

i guess life is a game.with no cheat codes.where people play based on their best interests of winning and enjoying the journey of winning itself.

*seyes rse sgt bodoh ryte now.mind you,

ak x penah emo,

just xde mood at times.

nie la kdg2 hasil moodless attack,

a post full of pure crap.

i need a new perspective.

aku ngantuk.SANGAT - SANGAT.

walhal bru pkul 12 lbey je.pffft.

bengong gk r kalo gnie tyap2 ari~ dh la ari nie, full day tdo dlm sume klas.

ape nk jdik ngn ak nie pn x tau r. T__T

mintak tlg la korg, sy keje byk lgi nie.

xske r weyh, this high hypersomnia problem is really hitting me hard in the face.

me back here.

dh lme SGT aku x membebel kt cnie.

hny disebabkan conscience aku yg menyatakan "buat apa ko tulis, bkn ad pn orang yg bace this rubbish, full-of-yourself story/things. baik ko buat bnde laen, kn,kn? "

tp aku rse skarang, this blog is one way to really pour everything.

from deep down inside to the silly things out.one may ask why; it is simply because i need some method of restraining.

restraining from what, that only i know.

and Allah.

lately, aku mcm sedang menaiki sebuah emotional roller coaster. *walhal taktau pn rse nek coaster cmne, agk2 je sbb x penah merase~*

aku tak sure knape, but i needed some sense of security so much that i pathetically 'begged' them from da ppl around me, regardless of what they were having/facing/feeling/doing at the time.

yes, i am selfish.

and for no good reason.

when i already feel secure and safe, i still somehow manages to slack off at whatever i was doing and do some other useless things.

besides that, i relentlessly forced myself to do stupid things, make stupid decisions. and ended up being in such a mess that i am still in.skarang dh rse mcm org yg bru lpas accident , sedang cube untuk bgun, pick up any valuable pieces yg msih ley gne, and move forward. right now, i'm 'bruised and wounded' but not yet beaten. still got a few more miles to go. keep on rolling bebeh~ :]

p/s: bru prasan, byk bnde yg aku ckp biasenya methaporically.ptut susah org nk phm.oh well.

3:139

now.

akhirnya, aku menulis semula di ruangan yang sudah lapuk dan habis berhabuk disebabkan tahap kemalasan aku ini, tinggi yang amat. nk dijadikan cerita, selama aku meninggalkan arena blogging ini, macam-macam benda dh aku tengok+lalui+dengari+etc. dan bru-bru ni je aku dh belajar salah satu drpd life lessons yg for sure susah utk ak dapati dri mane-mane kelas Math SL meskipn ToK di KMB, dan insya Allah, aku akan hargainya sebaik mungkin (:

yang aku ingin emphasise dlm post yang aku rse, tak akn jadi sepanjang post-post blogger lain yang jauh lebih berdedikasi dan komited terhdp karier mereka sebagai blogger, iaitu:

hargailah KAWAN-KAWAN anda.

(kawan2 baek khususnya)

and not forgetting families~

keadaan aku yang meletakkn aku bersama-sama lebih 300+ pelajar di KMB yang semestinya mempunyai pelbagai ragam ini, telah mengajar aku erti hidup yg sebenar-benarnya.

tiada erti kata equilibrium, differentiation mahupun binomial nomenclature yang boleh mengkelaskn pengalaman ini.

aku tahu yang kita tak boleh jdi judgemental tapi the fact that kita sume ni manusia, dan kita mmg akan ad tendency utk judge org on the 1st impression.

people who i've thought are always serious and stern can also be the ones who also listens to every complaint and whine and troubling thoughts that prevent u from having a gud life in this prison of kelapa sawit.

and the people who care the most who are usually the ones who u left behind whenever u got a new sense of happiness and joy.

before this, i just couldnt care less.but now, trying to be a new and improved me,

sometimes i have to pay just a little bit of attention.

after all, evrything i do is for my own sake too, not others, not even the janitors' behalf.

kau harus ada.ohoho ho~ XD

wow.

bile ak tgk blk date last post ak nie cm x caye lak.

DECEMBER 3, 2009!

ak juz mls nk update sbb nk access tenet kt kmb nie ssh~

memandangkn tenet free hnya ley dpt kt blok akademik (ak xde lappy~ >.<)

dan nk onl9 kt bilik kne pinjam brodband membe,

so ak conclude yg ak nk biorkn blog ak nie berhabuk jap.

hehe XP

well.

it's already February 7th, 2010.

lots and lots had happened.

the start of sem 2 was phenomenal.

we were bombarded with IA ITGS, EE briefing and not before long, our World Literature assignment will soon come down rolling along with TOK essay and presentation.

sometimes these sort of stuff tend to demoralise me

as i've never experienced this sort of hectic world before this.

but then,

some simple words had somehow made me feel relieved with the fact that i'm doing IB.

and also my friends who have been the source of my smile each and every day.

...............................................................................................

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